She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
