You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
