I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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