I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
