That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
