both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
