His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
