What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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