Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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