I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
