I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
