my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
