My hand turned me down
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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