He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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