if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
