so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
