hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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