You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
