somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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