Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
