So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
