I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
