if i can run in heels then i can drive
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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