And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
