Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
