well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
