i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
