My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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