hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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