living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Im part way to drunk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
