i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
