The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
