Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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