I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
