I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
