Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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