We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
