never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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