Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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