She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
