if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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