I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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