Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
