he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
