She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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