i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
