dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
