elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
