return my video game
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Found the puke drawer
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
