I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
