So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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